My Declaration of Balanced Christian Self-Esteem

 

I am me.  I am a child of God.  There is a particle of the infinite in me.  I have a rich history and heritage both mortal and eternal.  I recognize my dependence on God.  I acknowledge my indebtedness to Him for all that is good.  I humbly seek His will for me through obedience to true principles.

 

In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me.  There are persons who have some aspects like me, but no one adds up exactly like me.  Therefore, everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I choose it.   How grateful I am for the principle of agency, the right and power to make choices.  I recognize that I have the power to choose, but once I make a decision I then receive the consequences of my decision whether wise or foolish.

 

I am steward over everything about me -- my body, including everything it does; my mind, including all its thoughts and ideas; my eyes, including the images of all they behold; my feelings, what­ever they may be -- joy, frustration, anger, love, disappointment, excitement; my mouth, and all the words that come out of it, polite, sweet or rough, correct or incorrect; my voice, loud or soft; and all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself.  God has given me gifts: strengths and talents.  He shows me my weakness and allows me to experience both opportunities and challenges.  I accept all of these things.

 

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears, my expectations, my commitments.  I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.  Because I own all of me, I can become acquainted with me.  I can come to know myself.  This can make it possible for me to achieve my goals, to extend myself to others and to understand others.

 

I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, aspects that I do not know and aspects that I want to change.  But as long as I am friendly toward myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for the solutions to the puzzles, for ways to find out more about me, and for ways to change those things I want to change.  I need not control others.  I cannot control many situations.  I can decide how to respond to what is.  I can endure that which is difficult and cannot be changed.  I can change what can be changed.  I can find peace and joy and growth in much of life.

 

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is me.  This is authentic and represents where I am at that moment in time.  When I review later how I looked and sounded, what I said and did, and how I thought and felt, some parts may turn out to be unfitting.  I can discard that which is unfitting, and keep that which proved fitting, and invent something new for that which I discarded.   When I sin, I can gain complete forgiveness through repentance because of the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ.  Repentance is authentic change.  I can feel the love of God restoring and comforting in this process.

 

I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do.  I have the tools to survive, to be close to God and to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.  I can learn from others, so I don't have to make all the mistakes myself.  I can look to a loving God for strength and to the Holy Spirit for comfort, direction and guidance.  Thus, I need never be alone.  As I seek to know God the Father and Jesus Christ, His Son, I also learn much about myself and about my eternal possibilities.

 

I am responsible for me and therefore I can choose for myself.  I recognize that I may be influenced by others: influenced by God, by the adversary and his followers, by family, by friends, by situations... but I alone am responsible for my choices.

 

I am me.  I have strength and weakness.  I thrill in the gifts God has given me and strive to magnify my talents.  I recognize my weakness and make positive steps to grow.  I find much joy in the developmental process of life.

 

inspired by Virginia Satir (1972) and modified by Dennis Karpowitz

Couples Problem Solving

Emergency Problem Solving (When there’s no time to sit down and discuss it.)

            Who’s responsible for that area of family life?  That person suggests a solution for the moment and then you do formal problem solving when there’s more time.  For example if you have three drivers and 2 cars and everyone has to leave immediately.  If Dad is in charge of cars, then he may say, “John will drive me to my meeting and then go to his practice.  Mom will drive to her meeting and pick me up when she’s finished.”

            In some situations, one person is much more invested in the decision than the other.  The most invested person make the decision.  You can ask, “On a scale from one to ten, how important is this for you?”  If the other person says 9, and you say 3, then the other person makes the decision.

            For more trivial decisions like where to eat or what movie to attend, try the three choices method.  On the first occasion, the husband recommends three movies or three restaurants and the wife chooses which one of the three to go to.  On the second occasion, the wife recommends three choices and the husband chooses one.  Continue to alternate.

 

Problem Solving for Larger Issues Which Often Repeat Themselves (Thomas Gordon)

1.      Identify a convenient time

2.      Define the problem (only one problem at a time – keep it simple by breaking it into parts)

3.      Discuss underlying concerns – find commonalities

4.      Brainstorm possible solutions (don’t evaluate the solution at this point)

5.      Evaluate solutions and eliminate those that won’t do (If all solutions are eliminated, go back to step 2 and work on the definition; then proceed to 3.)

6.      Choose the best solution from the alternatives (be magnanimous)

7.      Implement the solution (If the implementation is really difficult or impossible, choose a different solution.)

8.      Follow-up later to see how the solution is working

 

A Finite number of Solutions: There only five possible solutions to almost all problems.

1.      Genuinely agree to one person’s perspective

2.      Genuinely agree to compromise

3.      Genuinely agree to live with the difference (This is the most common positive solution)

4.      Don’t solve the problem – cycle of repetition

5.      End the relationship

 

Some Don’ts in Problem Solving

1.      Don’t loose your cool.

2.      Don’t involve others like your in-laws.

3.      Don’t play archeologist by bringing up the past.  Also called stamp collecting.

4.      Don’t play psychologist (even if you are one).

5.      Don’t use emotional blackmail.  “Do this or else I’ll . . . .”  “Do this or else I won’t . . . .”

 

Some Do’s in Problem Solving

1.      Do try and reach a solution rather than trying to win or be right.

2.      Gather as much information as necessary to solve the problem.

3.      Do exercise kindness, understanding and patience.

4.      Do show respect.

5.      Do be open to change.

Directions To My Office

2224 Marvonne Road, Lawrence, KS 66047

For Eudora or the Kansas City area via Highway 10

If you come to Lawrence on Highway 10 from the Kansas City area, Highway 10 becomes 23^rd Street in Lawrence.  Keep driving west on 23^rd Street.  When you pass Iowa street, there will be no more businesses.  The second light is Lawrence Ave.  Turn right or north onto Lawrence Ave.  The street will immediately turn you left again.  The first street you come to is Marvonne Road.  You can only turn right onto Marvonne, so do so.  My home is the fourth house on the right.  It is a white, two story home with dormer windows on the second floor.  The numbers 2224 are on the house.  Come to the front door.  My office is right off the front door.

From the Kansas City area via I-70 (the Kansas Turnpike)

If you come to Lawrence on I-70 (the Kansas Turnpike) from the Kansas City area, get off at the 2^nd exit or west Lawrence Exit.  When you get off the turnpike, you will be driving south on McDonald Street.  Continue South until McDonald merges with Iowa Street.  Continue south on Iowa Street, the numbers of the crossing streets will be getting larger.  The next light past 19^th Street is 23^rd Street or Clinton Parkway.  There are soccer fields on your right as you approach 23^rd Street or Clinton Parkway.  Turn right or west onto Clinton Parkway.  The second light is Lawrence Ave.  Turn right or north onto Lawrence Ave.  The street will immediately turn you left again.  The first street you come to is Marvonne Road.  You can only turn right onto Marvonne, so do so.  My home is the fourth house on the right.  It is a white, two story home with dormer windows on the second floor.  The numbers 2224 are on the house.  Come to the front door.  My office is right off the front door.

From the Topeka area via I-70 (the Kansas Turnpike)

If you come to Lawrence on I-70 (the Kansas Turnpike) from the Topeka area, get off at the Lecompton, Highway 10, exit.  Turn right or south on Highway 10.  Continue south and exit Highway 10 at the Clinton Parkway exit.  Turn left or east onto Clinton Parkway.  Continue east on Clinton Parkway for approximately 5 lights.  The light east of Kasold Drive is Lawrence Ave.  Turn left or north onto Lawrence Ave.  The street will immediately turn you left again.  The first street you come to is Marvonne Road.  You can only turn right onto Marvonne, so do so.  My home is the fourth house on the right.  It is a white, two story home with dormer windows on the second floor.  The numbers 2224 are on the house.  Come to the front door.  My office is right off the front door.

From  Baldwin, Ottowa or South of Lawrence via Highway 59

Take Highway 59 north to Lawrence.  Continue on 59 north in Lawrence.  The crossing street numbers get smaller.  Turn left or west on 23^rd Street or Clinton Parkway.  Chili’s Restaurant is on the left just before 23^rd Street.  The second light is Lawrence Ave.  Turn right or north onto Lawrence Ave.  The street will immediately turn you left.  The first street you come to is Marvonne Road.  You can only turn right onto Marvonne, so do so.  My home is the fourth house on the right.  It is a white, two story home with dormer windows on the second floor.  The numbers 2224 are on the house.  Come to the front door.  My office is right off the front door.

If unsure or lost, call me at (785) 841-2610 or (785) 218-6592

About My Clinical Services

Dennis H. Karpowitz, Ph.D.

2224 Marvonne Road

Lawrence, Kansas 66047

785-218-6592

dennisk@ku.edu

When coming to see a psychologist, it is common to have questions concerning how therapy works, what will happen, and what will be expected of you.  This facts sheet will provide some of answers to such questions, but you are free to ask any questions of me.

  Personal History.   I received a B.A. for the University of Utah with majors in Psychology and Secondary Education and minors in Philosophy and German.  At the University of Oregon I was granted an M.A. and a Ph.D., both advanced degrees were in Psychology.  I completed an internship in Clinical Psychology at the University of Colorado Medical Center. I have been continuously licensed by the State of Kansas as an independent practitioner in Psychology since 1976.  I am a Professor Emeritus Psychology at the University of Kansas where I worked for 40 years. I served as Director of the KU Psychological Clinic for 10 years, Associate Chair of the Department for 21 years, and Chair of the Department for 7 years.  I am also in private practice but limit my practice to part-time only.  My major clinical interests are adult individual psychotherapy (primarily anxiety, depression and relationship issues), marital therapy, parent consultation, and psychological evaluation.  I have published more than 50 articles, book chapters or books and given more than 200 professional presentations and workshops.  I am married to Diane Carpenter Karpowitz.  We have six children and seventeen grandchildren.  I enjoy reading, walking, calisthenics and computer programming.

Differences Between Psychologists and Psychiatrists. The major difference is in emphasis of training.  A psychiatrist typically majors in pre-medicine as an undergraduate, attends medical school for four years and then does a three year residency in psychiatry.  The first eight years focus on medicine, i.e., the physical aspects of human functioning; the last three years focus on psychiatry, i.e., the treatment of emotional and behavioral problems primarily through the use of medication.

A clinical psychologist typically majors in psychology as an undergraduate and then continues to focus on psychology in graduate school.  At the end of graduate training the clinical psychologist fulfills a one-year internship.  After receiving the Ph.D., psychologists are supervised for at least two years before being eligible for a license to practice independently.  Thus, the full eight to ten year educational experience of the clinical psychologist is focused on how and why humans think, feel and behave as they do; how to evaluate the effectiveness of others thinking, feeling, and behavior; and how to help people make changes toward greater health and happiness.  A psychologist does not prescribe medication.  If a client might benefit from medication, I would refer the client to a physician for evaluation and possible subsequent medication.  Other differences depend on the particular university at which the degree was granted and individual preferences of practitioners.

Availability and Types of Service. My practice is limited to Mondays between 9:00 AM and 4:00 PM. I am not available for emergencies. For emergencies, call 911 or go directly to the emergency room of the nearest hospital. I offer a wide range of clinical services but three are most common.  First, evaluation.  When someone feels discomfort about emotional or behavioral problems he or she may ask such questions as, "Do I really have a problem?"  "If so, how serious is the difficulty?"  "What resources are available to help me deal with or solve the problem?"  Evaluation is intended to increase our understanding of the answers to questions like these.  When I do a psychological evaluation this usually takes two to three sessions and then I communicate my findings to you and make some recommendations.

Second, treatment.  If after consideration of the various alternatives you and I decide I would be an appropriate resource, we would plan a treatment program together.  Such therapy may range from a few weekly sessions to many months.  Six to twelve months is an average time period for treatment, but this depends on the nature of the problems, the goals developed and the speed of progress.

A third service I offer is consultation to parents, schools, community groups, businesses and others.  I do not offer inpatient (hospital) service.  If the problems you or family members are experiencing require hospitalization, I will refer you to an appropriate resource.  I also do not work with children or early adolescents individually.

I provide clinical/counseling services for individual adults and late adolescents (17+), marital couples, unmarried couples, and parent consultation.

I use a variety of approaches based on applied science and the specific needs of the client(s) and her/his/their situation. I support and work within the values of the client(s) in a positive psychological framework. The spectrum of concerns includes physical, mental, emotional and spiritual domains.

Fees.  My fee for clinical services is $130.00 per 45 to 50 minute session.  If you contribute 10% or more of your gross income to charity, I reduce the fee by $10.00. Payment should be made at the time of the session unless you make other arrangements with me (see below).  When payment is made at the time of the service, a $10.00 reduction is given.  Please bring a check already made out or the cash so we don't waste valuable time.  Sessions which are longer or shorter in length than 45 to 50 minutes will be prorated on the basis of length in 15 minute increments.  A missed scheduled appointment without 24 hour notification is billed at one-half the rate of a full session ($65.00), except in the case of a serious emergency.

Insurance. If you have health insurance which covers emotional/mental health, please let me know.  Such coverage typically pays from fifty to eighty percent of the services you receive from me and contracted rates may apply.  If your insurance requires prior authorization, YOU are responsible to contact your insurance company and get prior authorization.  In many cases, you will bring me a prior authorization code number or a letter. Most insurance requires a copay (typically $40), that must be paid at the time of the service. Please feel free to discuss fees and insurance more specifically with me whenever you have a question or concern.

No Insurance. If you don’t have health insurance or your health insurance does cover counseling or psychotherapy, I use a sliding scale based on income and the number of individuals dependent upon the income. We can discuss this at the first appointment.

Client and Therapist Responsibilities.  Psychotherapy or counseling requires participation and cooperation from the client.  Your own effort will play the most important role in determining how much benefit you receive from coming to therapy.  Another important part of treatment is honest communication between the client and the therapist.  This should include your raising any concerns you have about the procedural matters described here or introduced later.

Much of what occurs during a psychotherapy session is talk.  You will be expected to relate problems and concerns as well as successes and enjoyable experiences.  Sometimes you may feel anxious or angry or some other emotion.  Such feelings are perfectly "ok" to experience.  They are a normal part of the therapy process.

In order for communication to occur effectively the client and the therapist should come to like each other, to be friendly.  During the first few visits you should ask yourself if I am the kind of person you can talk with comfortably.  I will also ask this question of myself about you.  Please feel free to express concerns you have in this area at anytime.

At appropriate times you will also be given homework assignments.  These assignments may include reading, keeping a journal, monitoring your own of someone else's behavior, practicing a new skill, filling out a questionnaire, etc.  It is important that such homework be carried out conscientiously.  You may also be asked to take some tests at various stages of the psychotherapy process.  All homework assignments are intended to help you reach your goals more quickly and effectively. Some clients experience depression as part of their problems.  At times individuals can become so depressed and discouraged that they seriously think about taking their own life.  Such feelings, should you have them, are important to discuss with me.  Other possible solutions can be discovered and explored.  I will do all I reasonably can to assist you in finding and implementing these alternative solutions.  I don't want you or anyone to attempt suicide.  However, in the final analysis each person is responsible for his or her own life.  If an individual is determined to end his or her life, he or she will find a way.  You and I must each bear the responsibility for our own lives.

When late adolescents are seen, it is sometimes best to meet together with a part or the whole family also.  When minors talk with me individually I do not reveal the specific contents of these talks to the parents unless they represent a gross violation of the law or may result in someone's serious harm.  Youth and parents may communicate about these sessions if everyone is agreeable.  I do indicate to parents how things are going in general, ask for specific information and ask for help from parents.

It is important for your treatment that you regularly and promptly attend the sessions you and I arrange.  In most situations sessions are scheduled once each week or every other week and are 45 to 50 minutes in length. If an appointment cannot be kept, please let me know at your earliest convenience.  Appointments are held at my home office (2224 Marvonne Road, Lawrence, KS 66047).  I can usually be reached at my cell phone (785-218-6592) or home (785-841-2610). If you call and I am not available, leave a message and I will return your call as soon as possible.  I charge for time talking on the phone when it is more than just a quick visit to change an appointment or dealing with some other brief matter.

Confidentiality.  Almost all information that you give to me is kept confidential and will not be released to anyone without your written permission or in unusual circumstances by a court order.  Exceptions to this confidentiality are as follows.  I am required by law to report any suspected child or elderly abuse.  I am also required to warn appropriate others when a life is in danger (assault, rape, murder, suicide).  A judge can subpoena my records although in more than 35 years of practice this has never happened. 

Please feel free to ask questions or raise concerns at any time.  It is my hope that this psychotherapy experience will help you to lead a richer, fuller, happier life.